6 posts tagged “britni”

I need to write an essay about how I cannot accept criticism because of my mother.  I'd never be able to send it to her, though.  Maybe I could write a book about it.

It's something I've been pondering lately.  I haven't decided if it's true or not (because it's a hard fault to admit), but lately it seems to be true.

The reason being?  My mother is a very strong person, with very strong opinions, and a very high confidence.  This often leads her to thinking that, subconsciously or not,  she is always right.  Which she usually is.  (I think.  She makes very convincing arguments, anyway.)  Also, she does not like to lose.  But she admits this freely, so.

Anyway, I think I have inherited this fierce Dragon from her.  And because she is "always right", if I were ever to oppose her or voice my opinion to her, I am "always wrong".  (This has been ingrained in me by now, so it really doesn't happen anymore.)  Because of this, combined with my inheritance of the Dragon, I believe the same feeling might have been instilled in me.

I think, subconsciously, I believe that I am "always right".  That I cannot be wrong.  And I think to myself, "Don't be an idiot, of course you can be wrong, everyone is wrong sometimes."  But when someone gives me an opinion, advice or the like, the Dragon is immediately awakened, my defenses are up, and I am angry.  "How dare they.  Who do they think they are?  What an idiot."  These are my thoughts.

The only thing that might derail my theory is that there is only one person that receives this anger.  And that person is my roommate Britni.  So, is it because of her?  The way she does or says things?  Do they just rub me the wrong way? 

Or is it because I am close to her, and so my Dragon is awakened while it lies sleeping around everyone else?  But I am also close with Betty, my roommate from last year.  The Dragon is never awakened by Betty. 

But therein lies another question - has Betty ever really criticized me?  Or, not so much criticized, but at least given advice or an opinion?  Did she every give the Dragon a chance to wake?  Or does Betty just do those things in a way that it doesn't offend?  For sure, she has given me advice.  Last year I had many a problem, and she consoled me many a time.  Yet it was always gentle, calm, subtle.  Betty has a way.

So what is this shortness of temper with my new roommate?  Why does she fan the flames so, with such unnatural quickness?  For sure, she has known me three and a half years now, while Betty has only known me one and a half.  But I have changed much.  Has my one year apart from Britni made such a difference?  Has staying with the calmer, completely different Betty changed my outlook?  Does Britni's energy affect me in a more negative light now? 

I don't know the answers to these questions right now.  But this is what college is for.  This is the time for us to be growing up, to learn things about ourselves, to develop our personalities more.  I don't want to have an illogical Dragon within me.  A wise Dragon I will accept, because a Dragon is powerful and strong, but a foolish Dragon I will not have.

Then again, young people are always fools.

yeah, that's right.  I had a dream about Arashi.

AA-----h!  It was such a good dream, too!!  I've never dreamed about them before, or in fact any Japanese famous person... at least, I don't think so...

I'm not sure what was going on, but I think my friend Britni and I were in line to go into a club or something.  There were only girls around, and the room we were in was kind of like a dark, small shack.  We were all packed in very tightly in a line, in-between two waist-high walls... it was kind of strange.  Anyway, I glance out the two glass doors at the end of the line, and who do I see but Nino and Ohno outside. 

Of course I'm immediately... "KYAAAAAA---!!!", especially since lately I've been so Nino-centered.  (as of right now, he's my second favorite, and Leader is my third.  Sho is fourth and Aiba is last... but, he's changed his hair to a much better color & style so that could change anytime... <3 )

Anyway, Britni and I, after having small heart attacks, have huge grins on our faces when they walk in.  Very cheerful and friendly.  We catch Nino's eye and he glances at us without concern, then looks at us again and smiles back just as friendly-like.  Britni and I of course probably die at this point, and as he passes us by we have a small exchange of words.  I don't remember what they were.........doesn't matter anyway.

Then, as Britni continues with Nino, I suddenly remember my first Arashi love, the one I haven't really been paying attention to as of late.  Furtively I glance out the door, wondering if he, too, will show up...... and lo and behold, as if on cue, my beloved MatsuJun walks up to the doors.  My heart probably stopped here.

He comes in, and some random guards or something are calling out, telling us to make a pathway for the members.  MatsuJun looks around, looking as cool as ever, and as his glance passes over me I flash another huge, excited smile.  He does the same as Nino - ignores it for a second, then looks again and smiles back, making his way over.  I can't remember any sort of conversation or anything, which is probably what would happen in real life ... or more, I'd have probably fainted at this point.

So somehow, Britni, MatsuJun and I find ourselves sitting in a dark corner, having a normal conversation in broken Japanese and English.  Now that I think about it, though, MatsuJun isn't good at English at all, is he?  But he was decent in my dream.  At least, sounding better than he did in HYD2... 

The only specific thing I recall from that scene, though, is that for whatever reason I was holding a Scotch tape container, and somehow managed to drop it into MatsuJun's lap in the middle of a sentence.  Without thinking, I said "Sorry!" and grabbed it.  Awkward thing was, it was sitting on his leg right by his...umm yeah.  After I picked it up we both looked kind of like, "uuuh...", and then I said "sumimaseeen..."  ...And that's it.

Dangit, I need to go get famous in Japan.  ;-;  I WANNA MEET MATSUJUN FOR REALZ.......or at least see them in concert or something......

wouldn't it be cool to meet other girls like me?

well, there's a certain "me" I'm referring to.

the "me" that is twin with Britni, the Japan me. 

wouldn't it be cool to have a group of girls to form a, say, gal circle with? 

I guess I have my high schooler friends, Andrea and Liz and Narmin, and maybe Sheena too.

and Kathy too, but she's more j-rock type. 

I started thinking about it when the biyuuden "Aisu Cream to Purin" single came out.  Britni got all kinds of excited to learn it, and said something about "we just need to find that third girl to do it with!"

I think Britni is the only one who will actually understand this post, actually.  harharhar

grooves~

Well, I'm back!  I had literally 50 new e-mails to go through upon checking my mail.  How exciting.  I managed to keep a written diary over the past week, which helped a lot I think.  My emotions went up and down as usual, and now I just feel kind of weird.  But, I was sick Friday and Saturday, so I feel weird anyway. 

I didn't receive any phone calls from the Boy, and he has yet to mention my absence from the online community.  My mom said to me, "Did you really expect him to call?" and I wonder if I did or not.  I think the week before break had led me to believe that somehow, some way...ah, who cares.  XD Doesn't really matter, huh?

The last episode of my drama, Hana Yori Dango, finally aired on Friday.  I was pleased with the ending <3  I think, if I recall correctly, that I like it more than the manga ending.  MatsuJun has another one coming up in April called Bambino! ...can't wait!!  Plus, there is a whole crapload of movies I'm looking forward too - MatsuJun's Boku no Imouto ni Koi wo Suru, Tsuchiya Anna's Sakuran, and Arashi's Kiiroi Namida. 

Speaking of MatsuJun, there was a wild rumor that he got Friday'd with Keiko Kitagawa (whom I only know of as Sailor Mars from the Sailormoon live action) saying that they were dating.  But there were no pictures, so I guess people are calling it false. 

Also related to the j-music world, I have been listening to entirely too much Hello! Project recently.  It's like it's taking over my life, all thanks to ブリとニー (Britni).  I watch a ton of videos of them too.  It's just H!P, all the time.  I wake up with their songs stuck in my head.  I stay up late watching Mini Moni Chiccha.  What am I doing with my life?!

So, back to dorama, I need to find another one to occupy my time until April 18th... preferably one with pretty JE boys... I think I saw something about Nino being in one?  Maybe not.  I want another comedy...

This has been a weird week.  I've been a pretty awful student -- skipping Japanese class the past three days, Music on Monday, and Astronomy on Tuesday.  But!  I got an 83% on my Astronomy test today, which I'm quite pleased with.  And I won't skip anything from here on out.  Except for on March 29th.  I'll skip Music for the Foreign Language Fair and spend the entire day with my sensei <3 eheh.

I've been really angry at the weather.  If it had only stayed springy and cheerful, I'm sure it would have carried my mood!  But no, it had to snow...and looks like it'll snow again tomorrow.  dlfkja;dlfjk  WINTER JUST GO AWAY ALREADY YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN NOW LET IT GET WARM

...

Anyway.  Looks like I gots a full next few days ahead of me... an acoustic rock show tomorrow night... a friend Suzy coming in and staying over Friday... a formal dance Friday night (super excited!! free ...and free limo rides to there!)... old friends coming in on Saturday for a concert... uh...uneventful Sunday...

Then what's after that?  Hnn~  Britni is coming in Monday with her Japanese homestay personage Kana, so we can go Tuesday to pick out our room.  <3!!  I can't wait.  We find out tomorrow actually what time our appointment is.  Hooray~~

I'm pretty sure I'll start my period tomorrow (March 1st...cripes).  I feel it...

I feel like there's so much more I want to write, but it just has been a long day.  My brain is slowly exploding...

to remind myself: boys & downloading. cancer.

Well, I think it's about time that I start talking about normal, random things.

Today I guess my alarm decided to play a trick on me and not go off, so I ended up sleeping soundly through what would have been my Astronomy class.  What had actually woken me up, I think, was me somehow knocking my glasses off the desk.  It was 12:10 and I had Japanese class in 20 minutes, which I ended up not going to, either.  Dangit, I'm a horrible student!

I just finished watching last week's Grey's Anatomy episode...oh lord, I love that show.  IT WAS SO GOOD!  AHH!!  Oh, also - everyone should see Letters from Iwo Jima, because it was amazing.  I saw it last Friday and give it a million thumbs up.  (Plus, Nino is in it!!  From ARASHI!!  I am so proud of him, he did an amazing job.)

Hmm...what else...applying for housing next year is coming up, soon.  Second week of February, we can send in an application for the lottery to get into the apartment-style housing on campus here.  But, Betty & Katya (the girl who is going to live with us) are leaning more towards an off-campus apartment since there is a chance we can't get the on-campus one.  I'm not really ready for that, so I don't know what I will do if they decide to not apply. 

I'd like to live with Britni (りと～さん), but she isn't officially a student, and won't be until...what, March?  I'm not sure how that will work out.  I guess if Betty and Katya back out, I can wait until then so Britni and I can just get a normal room together, maybe in Cather or something.  Or Selleck, that'd be nice...already on campus and everything...yeah...

Uh...now I have distracted myself by looking at housing stuff.  Hahaha.  So I guess that is all for now!

U-FO!