instinct

I try and keep real-life stuff on this blog, but this time I'm going to detour and talk about my RP life because I'm an idiot and have something stupid bothering me.

I'd post this back on my Livejournal, where I'd prefer it to be, but I'm not ballsy enough. Mostly because a. I don't know what to do about it yet, b. I can't even figure out what's wrong, and c. I've got three friends from the RP on my flist that, while they would normally be the first I would tell about these sorts of things, somehow... I'd feel so, so stupid saying it to them.

Anyway. On to the actual problem.

I've been in this LJ RP since about December, been pretty flaky about it but I'm a mod so I stick around. I really do enjoy it, and it's a fun community with good peoples, but for some reason lately I can't get myself to participate. I check the new posts (kind of) daily. I check the OOC community. I'm in the chat every day, all the time. But about two weeks ago, I got off-track because of Easter weekend. And ever since then, I can't get back on the RP bandwagon. (well, not like I was fully on it in the first place, but.)

Two weeks might not seem like much, but it's a long time in the RP world. Especially since I'm rarely around anyway. I mean, I have my excuses, sure. School (finals, hello, very true), socializing (parties, very reasonable), work (well yes, but...), translating (on hold, so...), and a myriad of other things like food, sleep and hygiene.

But what about all those other times in-between? Like right now for instance? Instead of writing this stupid rambling post about how I can't RP, I could go reply to some of the new threads popping up. But just the thought is so... unappealing. Have I lost my muse for my character, Mikey? I don't think so. He's incredibly easy to play and understand.

So what could it be? I can't figure it out.

Hopefully, the new character that I'm planning to unveil sometime next week will boost my RP energy... I'm excited about her, but I just hope that I can manage to not drop threads so easily like I do with Mikey. That's a bad habit of mine.

まあ、ﾊﾞｶなことだけどがんばる。
｢取るに足りない問題」という場合かなぁ・・・・・・

it must be somewhere in the sunny afternoon

Apr 20, 2009
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I give myself very good advice;
but I very seldom follow it.
That explains the trouble that I'm always in.
"Be patient" is very good advice;
but the waiting makes me curious.
And I'd love the change should something strange begin.
Well, I went along my merry way,
and I never stopped to reason.
I should have known there'd be a price to pay someday.
Someday.
I give myself very good advice;
but I very seldom follow it.
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

so much for "using this more"

Apr 19, 2009
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I always think about how I want to blog here about my normal life stuff, but then I forget. Then there comes a time like once every month where I just have a massive post of me rambling for like 10 years.

I'm anxiously awaiting the end of the semester. Summer is my favorite time of year. It gets hot, I don't worry about homework or grades, I can play even if I'm working... it can never come fast enough and it never lasts nearly as long as I want it to.

But I've had a lot of moments lately where I've had to run to someone online and cry, "QUICK TELL ME TO BE AWESOME". And they tell me to be awesome and it's fine. But it's starting to get frustrating. I mean, I have nothing to be sad about. Nothing. Sure, my grades aren't superb, and I'm not even quite sure if I'll get my summer job back, and I have tons of shit to do in the next two weeks, and I have an endless list of stuff to catch up on internet-wise, and I don't even know if I can go to Japan next fall... but Laura comes home soon, and summer is approaching, and so is my birthday, and I'm surrounded by friends, and the weather is beautiful, and I have people who love me, and I can always go to Japan another time...

I don't what it could be. Maybe I'm too tired lately. Maybe I'm not eating healthily enough. Maybe my medicine is fucking things up. But this kinda stuff usually only happens when it's cold and dreary outside, in the depths of winter. Why now? Why, when I am surrounded by so much happiness? I'm not the type to be bogged down by sadness. But for the past few weeks, I keep having this awful, random moments where I just get sad. A song comes on and I'm sad. Then I cheer up because of some joke someone tells me. Then another song comes on and I'm sad again. And then people come home and I'm happy. And then a few days later I read a sad chapter of something and I'm all messed up again.

It sounds a lot worse than it really is, I think. I'm just rambling again, like I always do. Some days, I can't keep straight what's normal and what's weird. Maybe I'm just in a funk. A two-week long funk. Or longer. I don't even know. I HATE MAKING POSTS LIKE THIS AIGDSFSDJGLSDKFJ.

...

In other news, Shiina Ringo is coming out with a new album! In June! Her single comes out in May. I'm so excited.
pffffffft.